The Jurassic Beast put me in A&E and I was called a Nobber! 


A nobber … Seriously! Me? A nobber! I always thought of myself as sassy, smart and sexy but never a nobber!

I’m sat in a&e with my sore arm, a little embarrassed that I fell off my bike and just looking at the times on strava for those who managed to complete the whole Wiggle Jurassic  Beast’s  68 miles.

I came across some comments saying ‘there were a load of nobbers who were fast on the flat but walked uphill’. OMG – that was me … although only after I hurt my wrist but to be honest that was just a handy excuse as the hills were brutal. So I tried to make friends and said hello giving my fellow strava wigglers a thumbs up for the day.

The response was fast ‘welcome nobber’ <Whaaaaaaa – brushing away tears of humiliation>
Nobber just doesn’t suit me! Am determined to work up to a ‘hello sexy’ from my new found friends although have a fair few hills to climb before I earn that status I think!  

Saying that, there was a lively discussion on the Bike Bible on facebook about whether it was pervy to admire the wobbly bits of the opposite sex whilst on a bike ride! The person obviously has no idea what lengths us women go to to make sure we are admired!  
Anyway, during the discussion I found a comment by a lovely guy saying he had seen some ‘stunners’ on the sportive walking up the hills! Oooo … I do hope he meant me! Lol

So, I guess I should explain how I was branded a nobber. Today Helen and I did the Wiggle Jurassic Beast! 68 miles of beastly hills along the Jurassic Coast in Dorset!  

This was Helens first time on her new bike and first time with clipins! How brave was she!

I casually went to fill my water bottles at the powerbar stand and was met by a wild eyed, crazy haired wiggle lady who was stirring one of the containers frantically whilst pouring in bags of the ‘magic stuff’.

“Are you sure that’s not too strong” I said cautiously eyeing the dark orange brew! “Haha – who cares” – she laughed back deliriously – “you’ll woosh up those hills”!

Hrmm … Me thinks the wiggle lady has sampled a little too much!


Of course I made sure Helen had adequate supply and we set off! I promised to stay with her till the route split some 30 miles away. It would appear, however, that I am a fickle friend unable to keep my promises as I only managed to stay with Helen for the first …. Errr …50m! Nobber!

 The route was amazing and as usual,  incredibly well organised by wiggle. The Jurassic coast loomed ahead as the merry bunch of wigglers climbed each brutal hill and soared down the other side.    

The first feed station arrived very quickly and was well organised. The other wigglers laughed as I vainly took selfies (for this blog)! Luckily the mammoth effort climbing the hills combined with the scorching sunshine meant my blushes were hidden beneath my already scarlett face. Cycling through the gorgeously green English countryside, dotted with pretty little thatched cottages was idyllic …. the sort of stuff that makes your soul breathe. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better Corfe Castle appeared through the trees ahead.

I was faced with a short steep hill so went into mountain bike mode pushing strongly onwards and upwards. That is until a little black car stopped suddenly in front of me. In my panic to stop safely and away from the traffic I totally forgot about my clip ins and managed to get myself wedged between the car and pavement with my feet level. I knew what was going to happen and couldn’t do a thing to stop it; amongst a cloud of expletives I keeled over. Nobber!

I was massively embarrassed and jumped up denying any pain! The lady driving the black car screeched ‘is my car ok’! ‘Grrrr’ was about all I managed as I cycled my wounded pride away!

With experience, I would have held the car and back pedalled till one foot was down and simply unclipped without drama but you live and learn. 

In an attempt to solicit sympathy from my missing team mates, I sent a photo of my injury asking whether I should call an ambulance!

A little further on though and my wrist started to feel a little weak! The next hill took me out as I had to give up half way and walk! Nobber!


I think I walked all the hills for the next 5 miles or so as I limped along to the next feed station!

I was more than half way around … Could I give up right now? Should I give up? My Colchester ride on Monday was a big deal and I didn’t want to miss it! <heart kiss>.  

I decided to play safe. As I pulled into the next food station, slightly embarrassed at choosing to quit, the lads from food station one asked if I was going to take more selfies! I should have pulled my tongue out and said ‘at least the girl made it in the same time as you’ but instead I giggled and shuffled off to find support.

Support turned out to be the same support that had guided Tim and Michael home at the new forest. I didn’t ask his name but he remembered Tim and said ‘hello’!   In the car was a lovely lady who had managed to complete a full somersault landing on her back and cracking her head smashing her helmet to smithereens and no one managed to get it on camera! She was mightily disappointed.  

Anyway, that was our day. Pretty uneventful really apart from Helen falling in a patch of nettles and me wimping out 2/3 of the way around the course.

Oh, and it turns out that my elbow has a full on radial break. I can’t cycle or drive for six weeks! Here’s a link though to a great guide to recovery from the NHS.

Although thanks for the support from all my strava friends who suggested rigging up a turbo trainer with bottle of wine and long straw! Yep – I can see that working fine!

Thanks Tim and Vagner for doing your rides for ‘the fallen team mate’ with the ‘broken wing‘.
And for all you ladies not too scared to show off your bits, here’s something my grandma Slater learned during the war!

‘I must, I must, I must improve my bust. The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater, the boys depend on us!’ 


Thanks to Wiggle and UK Cycling Events for a really professional and well organised event! We will certainly be doing more.

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